Phew!  For those of us celebrating Christmas and New Year festivities, it is over for another year.  Time to take a breath. Or… have you scheduled yourself a campaign of gym classes, de-tox and general self- improvement as part of a New Year resolution?

Many of us have made resolutions we’ve then broken.  Research suggests that 23% of people have abandoned their resolutions a week after making them and 43% by the end of January (School of Business, University of Ohio 2023). In fact, according to the latest statistics for 2024/5 from YouGov UK, people are increasingly likely to not even bother making resolutions as they get older. Years of breaking resolutions takes its toll on the motivation any person – and parent – who starts to correlate this New Year tradition with failure, not success!

Maybe it’s time to break that cycle . Instead of creating a list of New Year resolutions, how about checking in with yourself instead? How about considering what you need to feel safe and connected in the year ahead?  When we feel safe, we often stop beating ourselves up as parents because we feel able to manage conflicts and deepen connections.

Not everyone can be a calm parent (at least not all the time), but finding what helps us feel safe can connected can help us to co-regulate our child’s emotions, better understand their emotions, and form deeper connections from a place of resilience.

Instead of setting resolutions, you can try setting intentions to explore ways to take care of yourself in the year ahead.

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Check your own oxygen supply

All of us in a parenting and caring role know how rewarding and simultaneously exhausting life can be.  We seldom have a minute to check in on ourselves after organising and thinking about our children, planning meals, laundry, witnessing their excitement some days and upset and rage in other moments.

For passengers’ safety, cabin staff on planes demonstrate where an adult will find the oxygen supply and how to fit it.  Adults are advised to secure their own oxygen masks before assisting their children, so the adult can be of optimum help to their child.

It makes sense. Take care of yourself so you are best-placed to take care of your child.

Within our everyday life our oxygen supply does not neatly appear in front of us when we most need it.

What’s your oxygen? How can you assess your oxygen levels and replenish them in a way that fits with your current environment and situation?

It’s a useful question that’s worth taking a moment to ask yourself. The answer could surpise you.

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Get to know your ‘glimmers’

Deb Dana, a licensed clinical social worker specialising in complex trauma and author of “The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy,” describes moments when we feel safe and connected in everyday life as ‘glimmers.’

Glimmer moments can be small, but tremendously deep and uplifting.

Example glimmer moments could include:

• Laughing with a friend
• Feeling the sun on your face
• Taking a moment to breathe deep and look around at nature when you’re walking from A to B
• Engaging with your senses to enjoy a taste, sight, texture, sound, or scent.

Glimmer moments calm our nervous system, and when they occur we feel safe and connected to the world around us.

They’re moments worth looking out for, recognising, and appreciating for their brief and simple yet deeply felt value.

Everyone’s glimmer moments differ. As with securing our oxygen mask first on an airplane, if we can identify and access our own glimmer moments, we are better able to create a sense of safety and connection for the children in our lives.

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Create glimmer moments through play

Playing a game of Cotton Wool Touch with your child can create quiet, relaxed moments of nurturing touch between you, promoting a sense of trust and felt safety. We support parents to engage their children in gentle, playful touch in a way that respects the child’s capacity to receive it. Gentle games such as Cotton Wool Touch introduce small amounts of nurturing touch using a cotton wool ball.

Playing more energetic games, like Simon Says or Mirroring one another, can help your child feel seen and valued.

Opportunities for daft movements and energising actions can create shared laughter and endorse your child’s sense of being a valued playmate.

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Play with care. Connect through play with our free lumin&us® app.

Choose and pace playful activities to suit the energy levels and tolerance for shared activities of both your child and yourself. This careful approach is key to the outcome of playful times together.

How does the free play-based lumin&us® App help?

You can visit the lumin&us® website and download and use the app for free. You’ll find it on both Apple’s App Store and Google Play.

This app has been developed by qualified therapists, educators, and mental health professionals – in close collaboration with families, of course! On the official website you’ll get a full explanation of this free app’s benefits to parents and children. But, in a nutshell…

How does the app work?

• A simple scan function helps you check in with both your own and your child’s nervous system.
• Learn whether you are safe, struggling or drowning – 3 states it’s vital to recognise!
• The app then prescribes games to suit you and your child’s emotional state at any given moment.
• It’s family mental health and wellbeing support in the palm of your hand – and a great way to get ideas for therapist-designed play activities as an exhausted parent!

Here’s to many shared play-based glimmer moments throughout the year ahead.

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Further support for parents

For further support, and to see our latest parent events and services, please visit the Families hub.

You can also explore our resources for instant support, including newsletters, online support groups, and much more. You can also read further insights and tips from qualified therapists and professionals on our blog.

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