child hugs golden retriever

Getting a pet dog? Advice for foster families and adoptive families

For adoptive families, the decision to add a furry member to the household is a significant one. Pets can bring immeasurable joy and companionship, creating cherished memories that last a lifetime. However, navigating the complexities of pet ownership as an adoptive family presents unique challenges that require careful consideration.

While a quick Google search yields plenty of advice on owning a dog, much of it fails to address the specific needs and concerns of adoptive families. Children who have experienced trauma may have sensory issues that impact their ability to gauge touch, potentially leading to rough handling of pets. Additionally, walking a dog can provide valuable proprioceptive input, helping children regulate their sensory needs.

Despite these challenges, dogs can be invaluable companions for children who have experienced trauma. They excel at creating in-the-moment joy and happiness through playful interactions and fun games. Their loyalty and unwavering acceptance provide a sense of security and belonging, fostering bonds that are invaluable for children building self-esteem and confidence.

Many adoptive parents understandably worry about the potential risks associated with pet ownership. Children who struggle to regulate their emotions may inadvertently hurt or scare a pet during a meltdown, leading to concerns about both the child’s well-being and the pet’s safety.

So, what can adoptive families do to ensure responsible dog ownership while meeting the unique needs of their children? Here are some tips to consider:

labrador puppy

Choose the right dog breed

Look for a breed or temperament that aligns with your family’s lifestyle and needs. Consider adopting from a rescue organization that can provide insight into a dog’s behaviour and compatibility with children.

Example best dog breeds for anxious children:

  • Golden Retriever
  • Labrador Retriever
  • Cavalier King Charles Spaniel

There are plenty of other dog breeds that could be perfect for your family, and your dog rescue organisation or reputable dog breeder can advise. However, these dog breeds are known for a calm, gentle, affectionate, tolerant and trainable nature, making them suitable pets to provide emotional support.

Choosing a puppy vs choosing an older dog and/or rescue dog

Both puppies and older dogs bring their own advantages and challenges to the family home, so it’s worth considering what will work best for your own child.

Getting a puppy means you can engage in training and bond-building that best suits your family’s needs from the word go. A puppy may also be a great match for your child’s age and behaviours as they grow and develop along with your child. However, they do have substantial energy levels and are more likely to behave in ways that appear uncontrolled or hard to predict, so you may need to offer your child guidance and support about a puppy’s energy levels. Puppies also need a lot of training – but your puppy and family can learn routines together from scratch.

Older dogs may be just as gentle, but calmer in temperament, as they have got through their early development stages. They may already be trained – but, in the case of rescue dogs, you cannot always be certain what their past experiences with humans have been, and what might trigger their flight or fight responses.

Useful questions to ask a dog rescue centre about a rescue dog:

  1. What are they like around children?
  2. What are they like around other dogs?
  3. Have they shown any fear or aggression towards anything?
  4. Are they house trained?
  5. How do they behave during walks?
  6. Do they have favourite games or toys?
  7. Is there anything else in their history you should be aware of?

Discussing your needs with a rescue organisation can help you determine if any older dogs in their care would be a good fit for your family home.


PODCAST: Pets and play

We love this episode on play and pets from the Pondering Play and Therapy podcast. In a world where play can be seen as frivolous or unnecessary, podcast hosts Julie and Philippa set out to explore its importance in our everyday lives. Pondering play and therapy – both separately but also the inter-connectedness that play can provide in its own right – can be the very therapy we need.


Prepare your foster / adoptive child for the dog’s arrival

If you are thinking of getting a dog, you will of course have explored this possibility with your child to see how they feel about it and if they are well-disposed to the idea!

If your child has sensory issues or anxiety around handling animals, you can practise gentle handling techniques in advance, perhaps on a stuffed toy animal. If you have one to hand, you could also try using a faux fur coat or cushion to demonstrate stroking gently in the direction of the fur. Before the dog enters the family home, your child can gain some prior understanding of how to pet and stroke dogs in a way that both your child and the dog will enjoy.

If your child is anxious about how a dog might behave, you could consider roleplay to explore ways for your child to feel safe and calm when a dog e.g. barks, jumps, plays energetically with their dog toys, or attempts to lick a person.

Set clear boundaries for pet care and dog handling

Establish rules and expectations around pet care and interaction from the outset.

As well as teaching your child gentle dog handling techniques, you can aim for gradual introductions and socialisation to give both your child and your dog time to adjust. You can provide supervision during all initial ‘getting to know you’ interactions to ensure the safety of both the child and the pet and facilitate positive interactions.

Create safe spaces for both your dog and your child

Designate areas of the home where the dog can retreat to if they feel overwhelmed or need a break from interaction. This could be a cosy and peaceful corner of your home, a crate, or even a whole room if required. Set safe space boundaries and your child understand that if the dog is relaxing in its special spot, it is not to be disturbed.

It can also help to create a safe space for your child so that they can relax without the dog if they are feeling overwhelmed, anxious or overstimulated. You can achieve this by assigning areas of the house where the dog isn’t allowed to go. For example, you can install a pet gate across any stairs in your home so that upstairs is dog-free.

It is important both the dog and the child have their own space to decompress when needed.


What to do if your child and dog don’t get along?

Sometimes, a much-loved family pet and a child just don’t gel, and that can be a real challenge. In many cases, a pet may struggle with the hustle and bustle of children, feeling overwhelmed by their energy and unpredictability. But just as often, it’s the child who finds it difficult to be around the pet—whether due to sensory sensitivities, fear, or frustration. This can be especially complicated when the pet was added to the family with great hope and is adored by everyone else.

The most important factor in any situation like this is safety for both the child and the pet. That means carefully managing interactions, ensuring the pet has safe spaces to retreat to, and teaching the child appropriate ways to engage (or not engage) with the animal. However, it’s also worth considering whether the expectation that the child and pet should bond is creating pressure which some children are very sensitive too. It’s okay if they don’t have a close relationship. Some families find that simply reducing the pressure for the pet and child to enjoy one another creates a more peaceful household for everyone.

Instead of trying to force a connection, focus on coexistence.


A dog could enhance your family relationship – but it’s your choice!

Ultimately, the decision to welcome a dog into your adoptive family should be made with careful consideration and preparation. While there may be challenges along the way, the love and companionship that a dog can provide are often well worth the effort. With patience, understanding, and responsible ownership, a furry friend can become an invaluable member of your family, enriching your lives in ways you never thought possible.


Further support for parents

If you or someone you know is struggling with family relationships, Beacon Family Services can help. We provide a range of therapies and resources to support parents, children and families including our Connect For Kids Theraplay® group and parent workshops on a variety of topics, as well as access to peer support groups.

For further support, and to see our latest parent events and services, please visit the Families hub.

You can also explore our resources for instant support, including newsletters, online support groups, and much more. You can also read further insights and tips from qualified therapists and professionals on our blog.


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