Every year, March 12th is World Compliment Day. Our therapists give advice on how to give kids authentic compliments to build your child’s self-esteem, with examples.
Giving kids compliments works best when it feels authentic, comfortable, and pressure-free for your child! We describe how to give authentic compliments to kids below, with examples. You can also share in a fun activity of complimenting each other with the “I like…” game.
A well-placed compliment can make someone feel valued, seen, and appreciated. For children and adults alike, receiving genuine praise can boost self-esteem and strengthen emotional well-being. However, as therapists, we know that not all compliments are created equal. While affirming words can be uplifting, they must be authentic and carefully delivered—especially when working with children who are sensitive to pressure.
Thoughtful compliments for kids
The Importance of Authenticity in Compliments to Kids
Genuine compliments go beyond generic praise. A child who constantly hears “You’re so smart!” or “You’re the best!” may begin to feel an overwhelming pressure to maintain that standard. Instead of feeling seen, they may worry about living up to unrealistic expectations.
Authentic compliments don’t just focus on achievements. They focus on:
- Effort
- Kindness
- Personal strengths
Saying “I love how you kept trying, even when the problem was tough,” acknowledges resilience without adding pressure to always succeed.
We’ve supplied a list of example compliments for kids at the bottom of this article so you can see what might work well for your child!
Compliments for Kids and Self-Esteem: Feeling Good from Within
Compliments work best when they reinforce an internal sense of self-worth rather than creating a reliance on external validation. Children who have a strong sense of self-esteem are more likely to accept compliments as affirmations rather than evaluations. When we teach children to recognise their own strengths, they become better at internalising positive feedback. Encouraging self-reflection—asking, “How did that feel for you?” rather than just offering praise—helps children develop their own sense of accomplishment.
When Compliments Feel Uncomfortable for Your Child
Not all children enjoy receiving compliments. Some, particularly those who have experienced early adversity, such as adopted or fostered children, may feel uncomfortable with praise. If they have not developed strong self-esteem, compliments may feel unsettling. In these cases, gentle, low-pressure affirmations can be more effective than overt praise. Simple acknowledgments like, “I appreciate how you shared today,” or “I noticed how kind you were to your friend,” can build trust and security over time.
The Pressure to Achieve: When Kids Feel Overwhelmed by Praise
Some children, particularly those who are sensitive to pressure, experience compliments as an expectation rather than encouragement. Every compliment raises the bar, creating anxiety rather than confidence. Instead of always focusing on results, shifting the conversation to the experience—”What was the most fun part of that project?” or “What did you learn while doing that?”—reduces the pressure to perform.
Balancing Encouragement and Evaluation
Reducing the sense of constant evaluation is crucial for children who feel overwhelmed by expectations. Compliments should be used to affirm a child’s efforts and character, not to set an unattainable standard. Overusing praise can create a cycle of dependence, where a child seeks external approval rather than developing self-motivation.
Instead, balance compliments with:
- Open-ended questions
- Curiosity about their experiences
- Moments of connection that reinforce their worth beyond achievement.
Thoughtful, authentic praise can make children feel seen and valued without adding pressure. By fostering self-esteem from within and reducing the weight of external evaluation, we create a healthier, more positive environment for growth including the inevitable times things don’t go to plan.
Examples of thoughtful, non-evaluative compliments for kids:
- I love spending time with you.
- I noticed how kind you were to your friend.
- You worked so hard on that!
- I see how much you care about this.
- That was a creative way to solve the problem.
- You stuck with it even when it was tricky.
- I enjoy hearing your ideas.
- It’s fun watching you figure things out.
- You have a great way of looking at things.
- I see how much thought you put into that.
- I appreciate your help.
- You’re important to our family.
- I love how you express yourself.
- It’s okay to make mistakes—I love you no matter what.
- I see you trying, and that matters.
Whether with our children, family, or friends, a sincere and meaningful compliment can brighten someone’s day—and sometimes, their entire outlook on themselves.
Further support for parents
If you or someone you know is struggling with family relationships, Beacon Family Services can help. We provide a range of therapies and resources to support parents, children and families including our Connect For Kids Theraplay® group and parent workshops on a variety of topics, as well as access to peer support groups.
For further support, and to see our latest parent events and services, please visit the Families hub.
You can also explore our resources for instant support, including newsletters, online support groups, and much more. You can also read further insights and tips from qualified therapists and professionals on our blog.