The adoption of a child is a totally life-changing and often challenging opportunity. In this blog, Beacon Family Services team member and adoptive father Pete Brindley reflects on his families experience and how play has helped them.
Our Adoption Journey could be compared to a long mountain climb – 3 climbers with me: my wife and our adopted 13- and 16-year-old children. Our journey has seen many scrambles across loose rocks; looking out on majestic views; breathing in the freshest of air. Our mountain has brought many questions and some sudden dark places of uncertainty. Thankfully, the sense of purpose and achievement, along with helpful people we have met on the most perilous slopes, keep us going, with continual hope.
Would we have gone through all of this if we had known what we know now?
Yes, undoubtedly.
However, there are many things we wish we had known then.
Fellow adopters, do you recall the excitement, the form filling, asking a thousand questions (and being asked them?) For us, there was confusion, lots of waiting and wondering – and some real frustration too along the way.
Like many new adopters, the whole adoption possibility had never crossed our minds. But then, it very suddenly just had to. From that day onwards, our life entered a totally new series of chapters.
We constantly asked ourselves…
- Were we good enough to continue?
- Would we have the energy, the resilience, the patience required?
- And would we really make Good Enough Parents in the long term?
Significantly in all this, we did not know and love our children back then. We do now.
The Guardian – 9 Things I wish I’d Known before adopting
As a trained primary school teacher, it was second nature to me to play with the children in the early years. We did a lot of relational family games and activities together that made us smile and laugh. My son loved repetitive play, as do most children. At bath time, every night for the first few years, we sung a song I had made up for him.
Play helps adopted children build and strengthen relationships
I did not understand back then how play would be (and continues to be) the biggest help in the journey I continue to make as a parent.
As my children settled, they each loved whenever my garden wheelbarrow came out to be pushed fast. I now realise all this play was helping them build and strengthen relationships. Young children like rough and tumble play as they are learning to take risks in safe hands. Playing an exciting game like being pushed in the wheelbarrow, knowing they would not be let go helped them feel safe.
We also found that in joyful moments of play we felt like a family. Making silly faces to one another helped connect us and communicated to my children how special they are to me. Playing together on our Wii or going on an outdoor treasure hunt eased stress.
At Beacon Family Services, we support parents and their families who may be experiencing challenges. This includes adoptive and foster families. When I joined the team and trained in Theraplay® I realised how powerful the kind of play we enjoyed had been. I have now supported other adoptive families enjoy the playful experiences their children need. I see them begin to feel more hopeful for their future.
Play helps children learn about the world, themselves and their relationships with others.
I tell all prospective and new adoptive parents I meet that play works, in many and different ways for their children and them. I recommend they order our Cards to Help You Connect or download our free app, Lumin&us ™. These resources help at times when you are busy and overwhelmed as a parent.
Play is a powerful therapeutic tool for connecting and deepening positive relationships in your family. If you are in the Birmingham area you can access Theraplay through one of our Connect for Kids groups or on a one-to-one basis with our team of trained Theraplay practitioners.
Further support for parents
If you or someone you know is struggling with family relationships, Beacon Family Services can help. We provide a range of therapies and resources to support parents, children and families including our Connect For Kids Theraplay® group and parent workshops on a variety of topics, as well as access to peer support groups.
For further support, and to see our latest parent events and services, please visit the Families hub.
You can also explore our resources for instant support, including newsletters, online support groups, and much more. You can also read further insights and tips from qualified therapists and professionals on our blog.
We work with organisations, professionals, schools, and charities.
We provide training to use our resources with families and in schools. We partner with professionals, commissioners and organisations to provide in person and online support for families, professional development and training and support and supervision.
Adoptive Dad Pete Brindley is an Associate Theraplay® Group Facilitator with Beacon Family Services. As a Pete is a foundational Group Theraplay® Practitioner he has led many Theraplay® groups supporting, engaging and challenging children and parents using play.
Pete has vast experience as a primary school teacher. Over the last 20 years, Pete’s focus has been on supporting pupils who are experiencing significant traumas in their lives and whose emotional and social behaviours are impacted as a result. He has worked closely with teaching colleagues, outside agencies and, most importantly, the parents/carers of such vulnerable young people in order to help deal with some of the challenges met.
Pete is also highly skilled in supporting and leading the development of emotional literacy and counselling with vulnerable, emotionally troubled or pupils with special educational needs or disabilities (SEND). Within his role he has explored and celebrated the positive impact of music, particularly through ‘Signed Singing’ with children of all ages and abilities.
For more information about Beacon Family Services Project Salam, contact info@beaconservices.org.uk or 0121 270 0590.