Our therapists at Beacon Family Services understand that, as a good parent, you can still have a child behaving in ways considered ‘naughty’. Good parents can have naughty children who are finding ways to express emotions, take risks, and explore boundaries in a safe family environment.. 

In a world where parents strive to raise well-behaved and compliant children, it’s easy to overlook the valuable lessons that can be learned from the world’s “worst” children. Characters like Dennis the Menace, Horrid Henry, and Sofia Sofa may be notorious for their mischievous antics, but beneath their rebellious exteriors lies a deeper message about the importance of self-determination, emotional expression, and embracing uniqueness. 

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‘Good’ versus ‘bad’ – what is a naughty child?

Often, a lot of what someone might prescriptively term ‘naughty’ or even ‘bad’ behaviour in children is their need to express a wide range of emotions, take risks, and test boundaries in a safe and supportive environment.  

Examples of ‘naughty’ behaviour in children might include: 

• Swinging around and upside down and being very active regardless of the environment – yet this movement can not only improve your child’s motor functions but alleviate their stress and anxiety 
• Having a meltdown in public or private – your child may behave this way when they feel they are not being understood or getting what they need 
• Becoming frustrated after a school day over the smallest things – your child has had so much sensory input over the course of the school day that they may be feeling overwhelmed 
• Not listening or not paying attention to you – your child could be responding (or not responding) for all sorts of reasons which are not related to ‘naughty’ behaviour but can still be worked with as a parent 

With many families, such as adoptive families where children have been exposed to past trauma, or where children may be neurodivergent and have different means of perceiving the world and expressing themselves (for example, the child may be autistic and/or have ADHD), it can feel like a challenge to fully support a child whose means of self-expression don’t fit with social norms of ‘polite’ or ‘well-behaved’. 

A ‘good’ child may behave politely and within social expectations but may be suppressing their emotions to the extent that they feel unable to express or even fully feel them, or have the confidence to take risks. 

A ‘naughty’ child may provide a challenge to parents with their behaviour, but may be expressing and developing a wide range of emotions in a safe and supportive family environment.

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Compliance vs freedom to explore

As parents, it’s natural to want our children to behave in ways that are socially acceptable and conform to our expectations. However, constantly striving for compliance can stifle a child’s ability to safely take risks, make mistakes, and learn from their experiences. By allowing children the freedom to explore and express themselves authentically, we empower them to develop resilience, independence, and self-confidence. 

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Creating a safe space for emotions and self-expression

Focusing solely on behaviour perceived as “good” can lead to a suppression of emotions, as children may feel pressured to conform to unrealistic standards of behaviour. Characters like Dennis the Menace and Horrid Henry remind us that children are complex individuals with a range of emotions, and it’s essential to create a safe space for them to express themselves fully, even when their behaviour may be challenging. 

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Can your child push boundaries and still feel accepted and supported?

Children who are comfortable in their uniqueness may challenge and reject their parents at times, knowing that they have parents who can cope with their exploration and growth. Just like Minnie the Minx and Kevin in Home Alone, these children push boundaries and test limits, but ultimately, they thrive in environments where they feel accepted and supported for who they are. 

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It’s important to remember that the enemy of connection is control.

By embracing the uniqueness of our children and accepting them as they are, we strengthen our bond with them and create a foundation of trust and understanding. Characters like Dennis, Henry, Margaret, Minnie, and Kevin may be labelled as the “world’s worst children,” but with the guidance of their exasperated yet loving parents, they always come good in the end. 

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Focusing on family relationships, not ‘naughty’ behaviour

Here at Beacon Family Services, we emphasise that it’s not the behaviour, it’s the relationships. 

By helping parents connect with children through play, our qualified therapists help parents and their children to explore core principles to help set boundaries, create a sense of safety, encourage engagement, soothe and calm anxiety, increase confidence, and nurture curiousity and acceptance. 

If your child exhibits ‘naughty behaviour’, you have not failed as a parent. Whatever your circumstance, you have the option to explore mutually enjoyable ways to increase connection in family relationships to help your child develop and grow in a safe and supported way.

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There is no shame in being a compassionate parent.

So, if you are struggling to be the ideal ‘good’ or calm parent, or you feel like you really are the parent everyone is looking at and tutting when your child very clearly and assertively makes their feelings known, remember you are doing great, and your job is just to weather the storm of their big feelings with them. 

By nurturing our child’s individuality and supporting them unconditionally, we empower them to navigate the world with confidence and compassion. After all, sometimes it’s the so-called “worst” children who have the most to teach us about what it means to be truly human. 

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Further support for parents

If you or someone you know is struggling with family relationships, Beacon Family Services can help. We provide a range of therapies and resources to support parents, children and families including our Connect For Kids Theraplay® group and parent workshops on a variety of topics, as well as access to peer support groups.

For further support, and to see our latest parent events and services, please visit the Families hub.

You can also explore our resources for instant support, including newsletters, online support groups, and much more. You can also read further insights and tips from qualified therapists and professionals on our blog.

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We work with organisations, professionals, schools, and charities.

We provide training to use our resources with families and in schools. We partner with professionals, commissioners and organisations to provide in person and online support for families, professional development and training and support and supervision.

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