Slowing down to play helps children regulate emotions and energy levels, control the pace, and connect with others and their surroundings. Experienced social worker and Founding Director of Beacon Family Services Charlotte Jenkins explains more.

Many parents I meet worry their child isn’t developing “typically.” Maybe your child doesn’t follow instructions the way others do. Maybe they take a long time to make decisions, or repeat the same activity endlessly. Maybe they want to control every part of play deciding the rules, the roles, and how things must go leaving little space for fun or collaboration.

These behaviours can be confusing and exhausting. And you might wonder:

“Is my child stuck? Are they learning? Is this behaviour something I should change?”

These are valid concerns. I always share what I know, as a therapist trained in child development. Play isn’t just fun. It’s how children learn how to think, make choices, and trust themselves. When you slow down and play with your child without rushing them you help their brain grow in ways that last a lifetime.

Experience has shown me even rigid, repetitive, or controlling play can become flexible and joyful again with the right support and help development.

The Science of Thinking and Why It Starts with Play

A study looked at 176 toddlers making simple choices. Some children picked fast. Others looked back and forth and took their time.

The children who explored more and who didn’t rush had better memory and thinking skills later on. They were learning something called metacognition. That means thinking about your own thinking.

Children with metacognition can:

• Notice what they know and don’t know
• Ask for help when they need it
• Try again in a new way when something doesn’t work

This helps them become independent and confident learners. (Source: Child Mind Institute)

Play helps develop this because learning doesn’t just happen when you know the correct answer. It happens while you’re thinking, trying, and even making mistakes. In play children explore and learn to trust themselves which is exactly what growing brains need.

Not All Children Play the Same Way

Some children approach play with hesitation or a need for control not because something is “wrong,” but because their experiences have taught them to be careful, or because their brains process best with time, space, and safety.

Neurodivergent children may find comfort in repetition, structure, or deep focus. Their play might look different, but it is still meaningful.

Children who’ve experienced early trauma or inconsistent caregiving may try to take charge of every interaction not out of defiance, but to feel safe and avoid vulnerability.

These children aren’t trying to be difficult. They’re doing what their nervous systems know how to do protect, predict, and survive.

Our role is not to stop the control, but to co-create safety so that collaboration, curiosity, and flexibility can slowly emerge.

Simple ways to support your child’s thinking through play

Being outdoors exploring nature is a wonderfully simple and natural way to support your child’s thinking through play. Natural spaces support exploratory play as there is no right or wrong way to play:

• A puddle can be something to jump in, stir with a stick, or watch carefully.
• A leaf can be something to smell, throw, rip, or keep in a pocket.
• A log might be something to walk on, climb over, or sit on like a king or queen.

Outside, the world changes when you do something water splashes, sticks break, shadows move. This helps children understand cause and effect, i.e. when I do this, that happens.

They also get to try out ideas, make choices, and notice what works.

In our Theraplay® sessions we don’t teach children how to play. We join them. We slow down. We notice. We offer structure, rhythm, and delight. When we play together, children start to:

• Feel safe to try new things
• Share control and have fun with someone else
• Make small choices and know it’s okay if they don’t get it right
• Learn that they don’t have to be perfect or impress anyone to learn

This is how thinking skills grow not by being told what to do, but by feeling safe and connected while they try.

How You Can Help Your Child Grow and Learn Through Play

You don’t need to do anything fancy. Just slow down, join their play, and give them time.

1. Let them choose what to play. You can use our app lumin&us®️ to explore activities you will enjoy together, or join a Connect for Kids group where we enjoy parent and child play.
2. Talk about what they’re doing: “You looked at both choices before you picked.”
3. Ask gentle questions: “What made you choose that one?”
4. Say your thoughts out loud: “Hmm, I’m not sure what to build. I’ll try one block and see what happens.”
5. Give them time to try, pause, and change their minds.

Your child is learning even when they’re going slow, repeating things, or seem stuck. When you stay close, play together, and let them take their time, you help them build strong thinking skills and feel more confident.

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Further support for parents

If you or someone you know is struggling with family relationships, Beacon Family Services can help. We provide a range of therapies and resources to support parents, children and families including our Connect For Kids Theraplay® group and parent workshops on a variety of topics, as well as access to peer support groups.

For further support, and to see our latest parent events and services, please visit the Families hub.

You can also explore our resources for instant support, including newsletters, online support groups, and much more. You can also read further insights and tips from qualified therapists and professionals on our blog.

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We provide training to use our resources with families and in schools. We partner with professionals, commissioners and organisations to provide in person and online support for families, professional development and training and support and supervision.

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